


When I wake

by PastelPrince19



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst and Feels, Coma, Eventual Smut, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Male Apprentice (The Arcana), Male self insert, Mutual Pining, Original Character(s), Polyamory, Self Insert, Temporary Amnesia, basically my character needs to learn how to walk and move and stuff again, learning to function again, no beta we die like men, semi canon complient
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:02:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28782408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastelPrince19/pseuds/PastelPrince19
Summary: Waking up was nothing new for me, I did it every day. But when I woke up this morning, I felt different. Everything felt heavier, and I could feel warm sunlight on my skin and the sounds of birds chirping. Sunlight? Birds? My room is in the basement.AKA: This is a super indulgent self shipping fic with my OC for The Arcana for escapism purposes. Enjoy <3
Relationships: Apprentice/Asra (The Arcana), Apprentice/Asra/Julian Devorak, Asra/Julian Devorak
Kudos: 11





	When I wake

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter one is just fluff :') For some reason ao3 isn't letting me add more chapters? I'll work on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is chapter one, as of 1.27.21 I'm going through and fixing typos and stuff since I wrote this originally when I was super tired 

Blinking groggily, I was instantly aware something was different. My room felt warm and I felt sunlight hitting my face. Sunlight? My room is in the basement. How could there be sunlight? After fully waking up, I was aware of another big difference: I felt fully connected and in my body. I didn't feel the constant feeling of being slightly out of alignment with myself, everything felt right. I started to get feeling back in my body as I adjusted, and was made aware of just how dry my throat was. I opened my eyes to look around and saw that I was in a cozy room, the window open to let the warm air and sun in. There were pictures, seemingly handpainted on the wall along with pressed flowers. On the windowsill, a blue snake sat and I startled a bit when I realized she was watching me. When she saw I was awake, she slithered down and out the door so quickly I thought she could've teleported. Before I knew it, she was out the door to wherever it may lead. I began to look around some more. Bookshelves lined the other wall, with books stuffed all the way and then some. I coughed as I tried to take a deep breath in, and tried to sit up. My arms felt like jello, they had no strength to support me. This wasn't my room, it wasn't even my house. I panicked when I heard footsteps running up the stairs to me as I tried to sit up more, panting slightly at the effort. What the hell happened to me? Why couldn't I sit up? 

The door swung open as someone ran into the room, eyes wide and hair a mess. I froze up when I saw who it was. There's no way- there's no way it can be him. But sure enough, a man with hair white as snow and violet eyes stared back at me. Following shortly after he was another set of footsteps, louder and clumsier as they trample their way up. Quickly, he turns and puts his hand up to stop the other and talks to him quietly for a moment before nodding and closing the door, leaving the two of us alone. I watch him nervously as he slowly walks over to me, acting like I would jump up and bite him. 

"Paris? Is this real?" He asks softly as he finally gets close enough to touch me, and I flinch a bit at just how _warm_ his hand is on mine. I'm used to being cold, everything at home is always so cold. But here- here's it's warm and comforting and it feels so real. He seems to sense my inability to do much of anything and his eyes look saddened for a moment before he grabs a cup of water and helps me drink some. With my throat wet, I lick my lips and try to talk.

"Azrra?" I manage to croak out, hating the way I said his name. My mouth feels swollen, making my words come out wrong. I lick my lips again and give it another try. "Assra." I try harder and get it better and watch his eyes light up with such joy the room seemed to glow with him,

"Yes, yes! It's me Asra. Do you remember me?" He grips my hands tightly in his own and I'm surprised when I don't feel my knuckles crack like they normally do. I take a deep breath, preparing for the pain that always comes with it- only to find that it didn't come. Suddenly feeling too tired to talk, I simply nodded, feeling my eyes get heavy again. "Oh dear...you must be famished. We've been trying to feed you but obviously- but we couldn't get you as much food as you would normally need. I'll bring you up some food." Asra worried about me, eyes flitting back to mine as he talked. I squeezed his hand as much as I could, truthfully not a lot, and nodded a bit again. He looked back at me with such fondness in his face it made me flush and try to look away, feeling shy and unaccustomed to such affection. "Look at me, acting just like Jules." He laughed softly, the sound light and airy and I could feel my heart flutter at it. I still couldn't believe this was real, some part of me believed it was just some cruel dream, a reminder that this can never be real. But it felt more solid than dreams usually did like I could actually feel his hand in mine. I wanted to believe it was true so bad. Dream or not, I was going to enjoy this.

A knock on the door had Asra straightening up and smiling fondly at me, pushing my hair back as he did so. "I'm going to let Ilya in here and go fix you up some breakfast, then hopefully we can talk." I swallowed nervously, but deep in my gut I knew I wasn't in any trouble. I nodded again and leaned my head back, sighing softly before trying to prop myself up again. He noticed me struggling to sit up and helped me to get to a full sitting up position before he ran his fingers through my hair once, then turned to leave.

When the door opened, Julian stood there. He looked a tad awkward, so big in the doorway and looking nervous to come in. Asra told him I couldn't talk much and to keep giving me small bits of water at a time while he went to prepare food, and with that, Julian walked in and closed the door. He walked to me slowly, as though he were afraid of losing me again. Tentatively he sat at the edge of the bed, his much bigger hand encasing mine on the sheet. We sat in silence for a few minutes as he stroked my hand idly, seeming to be deep in thought.

Finally, he spoke, "It's me, Julian. Do...do you remember me?" His voice was nervous, though he tried to hide it. I nodded a bit and he grinned, eyes brightening with excitement. He didn't have his eyepatch on, the red sclera showing. "Oh Paris, you have no idea how worried we all were. Do you remember anything?" He leaned forward, expression was hopeful. The sun's rays caught him just right to make his hair shine with golds and browns and reds, the colors blending beautifully. In the back of my mind, I wondered what I looked like since I'd gathered this wasn't my normal body. I tried thinking back, but the only thing I can remember was going to bed the night before in my basement room. I shook my head and licked my lips, suddenly feeling thirsty again. He seemed to notice and sat up quickly and grabbed the water, moving up to my head to help me drink. I could lift my arms a little bit, but not enough to hold my cup yet. He helped me drink my water and I felt my face flush a bit, feeling embarrassed at needing help at such a basic thing. He smiled softly at me after I had drunk a bit and put the cup back down and stroked my hair lightly, as though he was afraid he would break me. "There's no need to feel embarrassed love, you've been asleep for a while..." he trails off, eyes wide when he realized what he said. I filed that away for later, right now I wanted to try to speak again.

"Ju...Julian." I managed out, and finally registered how much deeper my voice was. I sounded like a real dude instead of one who was always trying to pass as one. He grinned as he nodded, trying to encourage me to talk more. So, I tried. "What happened?" I get out before I cough again and he hands me some more water to help tame it. I tried to move a bit again, and with a bit of panic, I realized I could barely feel my legs. He seemed to notice and patted my hand lightly as he helped me get into a more comfortable position again since I had slipped down a little bit.

"So you really don't remember anything?" He looks crestfallen, but soon that's replaced with a light smile. "We'll catch you up after you get some food in you. Do you want to try to stand?" He asked, clearly nervous about it. I shook my head, I could raise my arms and use my hands some now, but I knew I wouldn't be able to stand. Julian grinned and scooped me up, much to my surprise. "You've gotten so thin..." he mumbles as he holds me close to him and I can't help but lean into his chest. He smiles softly at me, though his eyes are sad. He carries me out the doorway and down the stairs and I look around as much as I can. The whole place smells amazing, with fresh herbs and spices, candles, and incense. Something about it is so familiar, it feels like home. But it couldn't be the home I was just in, I was only allowed incense in my room, and we never had fresh herbs or spices around.

Soon enough, he sets me down in a chair. By this time, I'm feeling mostly good enough to sit up on my own, though I still feel too weak to walk. Asra turned and grinned at me as he grabbed the pot off of the stove and poured the contents into 3 bowls, one for each of us. As he set them down in front of me, he spoke. "Ilya I thought you wanted him to stay in bed?" he sent a smirk to Julian whose face turned red as he glanced away quickly.

"I, Uhm, yes, I did want him to stay in bed but. I thought, um, maybe if got to come through the house he would remember more." He stuttered through as he stared down into his bowl. I felt myself smile at them and felt my heart speed up a bit. What was I to these two? They looked at me like they cared so much and it made my heart hurt, I wasn't used to any of this. Before I had just been told to deal with my pain and ignore it, but here? Here they took care of me. I was startled out of my thoughts when Asra put a bowl of soup in front of me and I smiled nervously up to them.

"Missing memories?" Asra's voice turned serious as he turned to me, looking worried. "Do you remember anything at all?" I shook my head, frowning a bit. This all felt so familiar, but I couldn't grasp any particular memory. Asra sighed and ruffled my hair a bit before he spoke again "Don't worry, we'll tell you about everything after a good meal. Do you need help with your spoon?" Feeling my face darken, I grasped the spoon in my hand and smiled a bit when I found I could. But once I loaded it up with soup, I found it too heavy and nearly dropped it back into the bowl. Thankfully, Asra caught it in time and laughed softly at me. "I think that's a yes young man." Though he laughed, I could feel his concern.

We fell into a groove, he fed me a spoonful then took one for himself while Julian recounted some stories from the past few days, how others were, his daily routines, and the weather. He was telling a story about how he had been down by the docks checking on a ship when he mentioned that Faust had tied his legs together and tripped him up into the water and I found myself laughing. It felt nice to laugh, and judging by their looks, they were just as surprised at me. Asra smiled warmly, remarking about how his healing brew must be working. Finally, we had all finished eating and I was feeling better. Asra nudged me, "Do you feel good enough to walk to the couch and talk?"

I thought for a moment before I answered. "Can I try?" He nodded and backed up a bit to give me space to try to stand but staying close enough to catch me if needed. I stood up shakily, gripping the chair as tight as I could. My world wobbled unsteadily for a moment as my vision swam and then I was on the couch with them looking at me in worry. This was weird, it was like my legs were barely there. I could vaguely feel them, but they felt so far away and detatched. I frowned when I tried to gauge where the change had happened since I could feel my arms and chest. After a few moments, I could tell something happened in my lower back, above my hips.

"Ok, so no standing or walking yet. Are you ok Paris?" Julian sat next to me and rubbed my legs lightly. I could barely feel it. What the fuck happened to me to lose feelings for my legs? This went beyond malunitrion, as I felt a throb in my back.

"I can barely feel you touching me." Both of their eyes widened and they both looked at my legs, which looked normal, just extremely skinny. Asra mumbled something as he dashed off, probably to get some salve or ointment as Julian kept rubbing my legs, turning more into a massage. "What happened to me? The last thing I remember was going to bed at my house, in the basement in a world where none of this was real." I felt my voice shake as it truly sunk in for me- I was not where I was before, and I have no memory of anything here.

"Don't worry about that yet love, Asra, and I will tell you everything." He bit his lip, clearly worried. He started to rub up higher, near my upper thighs. I realized that he was trying to encourage the blood flow and I tentatively flexed my toes, and to both of our relief they moved fine. Asra came back in with a vial with some cream colored rub in it and gave it to Julian, who began to rub it into my legs. I felt the massage more and let them know and watched relief flood their faces. It still didn't feel as intense as it should, but it was a start.

After a few moments of silence, Asra spoke. "Paris...you have a lot to catch up on, starting with when you fell into the coma." I flinched at the word. Coma. He sighed and pulled a chair next to me as Julian kept massaging my legs. "Listen...there was a big fight. With one of the Major Arcana. You remember them right?" I nod, remembering my own deck at home. "Ok, good, that's good. We were fighting the devil after he had stolen you and Julian's soul from your bodies in exchange for a deal. We confronted him- all of us. Nadi, Portia, Mazelinka, everyone was together to fight him. And we did it! We beat him, but not before you put out so much magical power...it had almost made the realm collapse in on itself. In all the chaos..." He swallowed thickly for a moment, taking a deep breath. "In all the chaos, you got hurt really bad. On top of expending all your magic and then some, you had a chain- one last final attack from The Devil - and it had got you across the back." I felt Julian tense, his hands pausing. "We didn't know if you'd ever wake up, you've been asleep for so long." Asra looked off to the side, though I could see how upset he was. So that's what happened, I got hurt by chains, ontop of expending an insane amount of energy. All of that strain should have killed me, but I ended up in a coma. I needed to know how long I was gone and if it lined up with my last memories at my other house and life.

"How long was I asleep?" I feared the answer, but I needed to know.

"Almost a full year." My eyes widened in shock. No wonder I felt so weak, I'd been asleep for a full year. "When Faust came down this morning, yelling about awake, we couldn't believe it. But it's true, you're really here and you're really awake and back with us." He smiled with tears in his eyes and I smiled back, reaching a hand out to hold both his and Julian's, who had been silent the whole time.

"I might not remember anything, but I want to try to remember, and in the meantime, I want to really get to know you both again." I grinned. I could tell the three of us had something special, and I couldn't wait to rebuild it

"Well, since you're awake, would you like to stay in and rest a bit more? We can go out to town later. The others will be so happy to hear the news!" I blinked a bit, and nodded, feeling a wave of exhaustion crash over me.

"Would it be alright if I left to go tell Pasha and Mazelinka?" I heard Julian ask Asra softly, and Asra gave an affirmative hum. Next, I knew, I was being picked up again like a child and carried back upstairs. I was warm and comfortable and safe. I couldn't wait to get back out there and relearn everything. I grabbed onto whoever was carrying me and tried to tug them down with me, and I heard Asra give a surprised chuckle as he laid down with me and pulled me against him. Feeling safe and warm, I let myself drift back off into sleep.


End file.
